Kitten, again, of course.

I'm sitting here (avoiding homework, obviously) with a sleeping kitten in my lap, who couldn't be any more beautiful, and there are birds absolutely singing their hearts out in the shining sun. It's pretty wonderful.

And about this kitten. I love her unbelievably so. I love watching her change and grow. I love watching her sleep. I love watching her jump and play and get crazy. (I know I'm officially a crazy cat girl, really, I know it.)

I just can't help but think about our future family. I can't even imagine the love I could feel for my own child, if I love this kitten this much. (please, I understand I'm a crazy cat girl).

I've got it bad.

 

End of a season.

We're anxiously awaiting you, spring. Don't be shy. You are peeking from around the corner I see, blessing us with your sunshine. But won't you jump out and rid us of this biting cold? We wouldn't mind...



Yesterday was a bittersweet day. It was beautiful outside. Chilly, with a large dose of sunshine. Mr. had the day off, and as I drove home from class excited to see him, I imagined all the fun things we might do.

As I drove into our parking lot, there was Mr. with three other men. They were gathered around her. Gathered around my lovely little car.

I was gifted my little car when I was 14 years old. She has been my good friend for the past 8 years. That lovely little Neon was my grandmothers. And just about a month before she passed away was my birthday, and she gave me the keys to her car. So, she's been special little car. And yesterday when they drove away in my little car, I cried. I cried because your first car is always special. I cried because that little car traveled to so many places and changes and times with me. And because I hated giving away my grandmother's car.

As silly as it might sound, getting so attached to a car, it really was a special thing to me. As we were standing outside, title signed over, checking over the last of the compartments, I found a little notebook that used to be hers. I started flipping through the pages, and an old driver's license fell out. There was my beautiful grandmother smiling back at me. I swear it was magical.

On stringing together letters and such

Absent. That's where I've been.

The craziness of life has been wonderfully present. My words have been trapped in my thoughts.

There is a lovely chaotic flare to everything right now. But aren't those the times when the learning is heavy?

Life is beautiful, living for God. Every day is just another opportunity to be positive and show His love.

Husband is hard at work  as usual. Kitten is her same cuddly self, with a little attitude and adolescence going on. I have been on break. Pictures and more thoughts to come.

On finding yourself.

In the quiet times. Isn't that when we get to know ourselves?

In the soft peace of the morning.

Or in the deep dark of the night.

The times when we allow ourselves to think. To feel. To understand this space around us.

There is so much to these endless thoughts.

So much to the unspoken words.

There is beauty and charm.

There is fear and sadness.

And sometimes there are things so deep, so very well knit into your soul.

And you know they will never unravel.

And in the heart of the darkness,

In the heart of the beauty,

You know you'll find a piece of yourself.

Sunday's are magical

Sunday started as most Sunday's do, with a morning service at our lovely church. I love our church because it is a place where you can come as you are. There is a band, and we sing off a screen. And sometimes people dance. It is bible-focused and passionate. Their mission is to love God radically, serve others compassionately, and lead people to Jesus. And is there anything more awesome than that? 

We happened to have a speaker there this Sunday for I <3 Day who was  a m a z i n g. If you ever have a chance to see him you must go. He is so real and so passionate, and what he speaks is so beautiful, and so true. They had an event Sunday night and had Eric back to speak again. So, Mr. and I along with 6 of our friends filed in expecting to have some fun, maybe dance a little, maybe get a little crazy, you know. What we actually got was beyond what I'd ever hoped to get. Over 50 people were baptized that night. Completely unplanned. Completely spontaneously.

The band Mosteller played that night. They, too, are incredible. They are a perfect mix of rock music and a message of hope. It was such a wonderful night. There were tears. There was laughter. 

I even got to accessorize Mr.

And my beautiful friend, Chuck was there.

Love Sundays.

It's a lazy, rainy day.

too many exams
for my liking
in the last few days.

whoa.
 
so instead of working
I'm going to watch
a movie.

beautiful.

and not just any movie, but the lucky one, because I read the book foreverago and haven't seen the movie yet. also because Mr. doesn't like to watch those kinds of movies, so I'll give him a break...this time.

bring out the kleenex!

obviously because it's Nicholas Sparks.

I'm okay with this week being done and here's what I think about life.

It has been a busy, busy, busy, busy week. And yesterday I was just plain tired of it. All of it. So I came home and took a nap, then husband came home and of course all of that made me feel better.

Sometimes I just sit back and look at life. And sometimes all of the things that I'm doing or *supposed* to be doing seem so far from what I believe life is about. The people who are admired or respected by society are those who are constantly busy, always producing. They are productive and reach the top in whatever they do. But they are also stressed, and unhappy, and miss the little things. The bible tells us to work, but it also tells us to be still, and to love, and to spend time alone with our Father.

I see these lovely people around trying to take on a billion things at once either because they feel like they have to or because they think that makes them successful. But those are the people I see starting to resent life, and their jobs, and their families.

Even when applying for internships and jobs, if your resume isn't chock full of extra activities, and school orgs, if you can't prove that you can handle eight hundred tasks at once and live through it then they don't want to hire you. 

I fully believe in hard work, and try to do my best at everything I do, and I don't encourage idleness. But you know that question that people ask to get at the heart of what you should be when you grow up, "what would you do if money weren't a factor?"? Well, my answer to that question scared me. It scared me because it isn't what I felt like I *should* do. It isn't what I felt like this huge investment of an education will give me. But when I finally had the guts to tell husband last night, I was so relieved when he completely understood me. And then we talked about how we want our lives to be in the next several years, which we've done a thousand times; but this time was different. This time felt so much more real than all the other times. Because we are in a completely different place this time, and we're married, and I'm going to be done with school in just over a year.

I'm so excited that I decided my life is mine. When I think about the end, looking back on my life, I really want to see happiness, no regrets, my own kind of success. And it's so wonderful knowing that I have that support from husband. I truly am a lucky, lucky girl.