Crazy joy in pasta. Is that weird?

Truly, there are few meals that I get as much joy out of as pasta. 

Boiling the noodles. Adding whatever sort of delicious extras I might find. Spooning homemade sauce over the top and dumping sprinkling grated parmesan and romano cheeses over top.

Perhaps I enjoy this creation so much because I channel my inner grandmother, and all the love she poured into her pasta for us growing up. ;)

And yes, I made sure to write that down on my 'gift list'. :)

Mornings are lovely.

I adore mornings. They are new beginnings. Fresh starts. New possibilities. They mean a new day to love and be loved. Another opportunity to spread your light.

And in the mornings kitten wants cuddles even if only for five minutes, and a mama's gotta take what she can get sometimes.

It's so easy to be grateful in the mornings. When a soul hasn't quite been hardened by the stresses of the day yet. So simple to rest in God's grace. To be His child. Filled with His love.

Last night my little family sat together on the couch. It was perfect. Kitten on her daddy's lap, mama at his side. My heart about burst because I adore those two so. They are lovely creatures.
 

A New Perspective

The following inspired by a reading sesh of 1000 Gifts  by Ann Voskamp, and a moment of duh, it's really that easy:

I griped to Husband many times tonight about my wifely duties. If you heard me you'd think I resent this life. But I don't. At all. I cherish it deeply, and adore being his wife. Do you ever stop to think about how many times a day a silent complaint passes your brain, a mutter of discontent slips through your lips, your harsh word reaches an ear?

"If only I lost 10 pounds."
"That idiot! Why can't he think of others?"
"I'm so sick of picking up after everyone else."
"I really don't measure up."

And if those phrases don't resonate with you, just turn an ear inward and really listen to yourself, I am willing to bet negativity haunts your thoughts.

And without passing it off with the idea that you aren't as negative as another, imagine yourself at a moment when that negative shadow reaches your consciousness, imagine it spreading like a dark cloud from deep within your soul. What does it touch? Who is impacted by your thought? When you allow a dark thought to pass, when one wrongs you and you mull over their fallacies, when you become offended by the stranger in the store who neglects to return a smile, who is truly wounded? 

It is always you. It is always us.

We victimize ourselves with our negativity. 

This is my third week on my new summer commute. Watching various cars weave back and forth and eagerly try to gain at others' expense, I realized that our vehicles dehumanize us. I find myself in a battle with other cars, fighting for the quickest route, angered at getting cut off, angered at another car swerving too close to mine. I pictured these cars as people in a crowded venue. While there is some gentle push and shove to be had in a crowd, you are unlikely to see such darting and "cutting off" as on the interstate, hidden by the walls of our vehicles, knowing our faces have been reduced to these metal facades painted over with the same colors, rounded in the same shapes. 

All this to say that negativity has become commonplace. It is assumed that we are unhappy with our bodies, we are stressed beyond capacity, our marriages are suffering, our health is an unreachable feat, our spirits are wounded beyond repair.

So what if we could change it? What if we could change our attitudes, our entire outlook on life? What if we could take our happiness, our joy, into our own hands and stop searching for it in the wrong places?

What if we forced ourselves to recognize the multitude of gifts we are blessed with every day? Do you every stop to think about the tiny things you enjoy? Really consider them, notice them, enjoy them?

As with my book inspiration (all 18% that I've consumed), I am deciding to force myself to notice the many gifts my life is blessed with, and write them all down.

Because why do I complain about making Husband breakfast, lunch and dinner every day? I do it because I love him.

Why should I complain about tending to laundry? I am blessed to have the clothes that I do, and the convenience of a washing machine.

Why do I hate to wash the dishes? I am so grateful for the food we have to eat.

It truly amazes me how many things I can devalue in a day, without even noticing. I want to be a light in the lives of others, to help them to see their worth, discover their happiness. How can I do that when I can't even find my own?

I am choosing to recognize my blessings and change my life. I am ever grateful for the jolt I've gotten from Ann Voskamp's lovely stringing of words. She writes beautifully, powerfully, and simply. It seems so simple, doesn't it, being grateful? 


God can't give us peace and happiness apart from Himself, because there is no such thing. - C.S. Lewis

Kitten, again, of course.

I'm sitting here (avoiding homework, obviously) with a sleeping kitten in my lap, who couldn't be any more beautiful, and there are birds absolutely singing their hearts out in the shining sun. It's pretty wonderful.

And about this kitten. I love her unbelievably so. I love watching her change and grow. I love watching her sleep. I love watching her jump and play and get crazy. (I know I'm officially a crazy cat girl, really, I know it.)

I just can't help but think about our future family. I can't even imagine the love I could feel for my own child, if I love this kitten this much. (please, I understand I'm a crazy cat girl).

I've got it bad.

 

End of a season.

We're anxiously awaiting you, spring. Don't be shy. You are peeking from around the corner I see, blessing us with your sunshine. But won't you jump out and rid us of this biting cold? We wouldn't mind...



Yesterday was a bittersweet day. It was beautiful outside. Chilly, with a large dose of sunshine. Mr. had the day off, and as I drove home from class excited to see him, I imagined all the fun things we might do.

As I drove into our parking lot, there was Mr. with three other men. They were gathered around her. Gathered around my lovely little car.

I was gifted my little car when I was 14 years old. She has been my good friend for the past 8 years. That lovely little Neon was my grandmothers. And just about a month before she passed away was my birthday, and she gave me the keys to her car. So, she's been special little car. And yesterday when they drove away in my little car, I cried. I cried because your first car is always special. I cried because that little car traveled to so many places and changes and times with me. And because I hated giving away my grandmother's car.

As silly as it might sound, getting so attached to a car, it really was a special thing to me. As we were standing outside, title signed over, checking over the last of the compartments, I found a little notebook that used to be hers. I started flipping through the pages, and an old driver's license fell out. There was my beautiful grandmother smiling back at me. I swear it was magical.

On stringing together letters and such

Absent. That's where I've been.

The craziness of life has been wonderfully present. My words have been trapped in my thoughts.

There is a lovely chaotic flare to everything right now. But aren't those the times when the learning is heavy?

Life is beautiful, living for God. Every day is just another opportunity to be positive and show His love.

Husband is hard at work  as usual. Kitten is her same cuddly self, with a little attitude and adolescence going on. I have been on break. Pictures and more thoughts to come.

On finding yourself.

In the quiet times. Isn't that when we get to know ourselves?

In the soft peace of the morning.

Or in the deep dark of the night.

The times when we allow ourselves to think. To feel. To understand this space around us.

There is so much to these endless thoughts.

So much to the unspoken words.

There is beauty and charm.

There is fear and sadness.

And sometimes there are things so deep, so very well knit into your soul.

And you know they will never unravel.

And in the heart of the darkness,

In the heart of the beauty,

You know you'll find a piece of yourself.